A Fresh Start

"I've gone for too long living like I'm not alive So I'm going to start over tonight Beginning with you and I When this memory fades I'm gonna make sure it's replaced With chances taken Hope embraced"

I can't tell you how happy I am to have re-established this as an outlet for my thoughts. There is so much stuff going on in my life right now...and I hope to high heaven that I learn how to deal with it all.

I can hardly believe that this semester is over. It seems like ages ago that I started here...but at the same time it feels so new. Now I'm trying to focus on getting ready for camp. I have so many things that I'm hoping for....but there are also tons of things that could go wrong. I wonder if the people that are there will be the type of people that I'm used to, and secretly praying that they are the type of people I can chill with. I hope that I am able to make this summer the best summer for the kids. I can tell that they really love coming to camp and probably expect a lot out of me....including being "cool" without getting myself in trouble. When I'm nervous I'm a stickler for following the rules....so these poor girls may due some apologies shortly. I am excited because I think that these kids need to meet someone like me in their lifetime. Even if they don't know exactly who I am.... I think its going to be enriching...since I am such a "special" person. LOL. Oh god, these kids are going to hate me....

Another big thing I'm working on is getting over Jenn. It gives me anxiety just to see her name typed out.... I have never been so disappointed in my whole life. Never have I wanted something so bad. There are just so many things that could or should probably be said on the subject. My mind and my heart are constantly filled with questions about life, god, her and I, what all of this means....and the only conclusion I can come to is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't mater how much I loved her... it doesn't matter how much time we spent together....how much fun we had with each other... all that matters is what I do from here. What am I going to do that is going to bring me to the next level....