General Admissions

Whew! It feels soo nice and warm in my room. I have been out walking in the cold for quite some time. Don't you just love that feeling of relief when you walk into somewhere warm from somewhere cold?

Today in my LGBT studies class we watched a movie about Harvey Milk. Awww. I think he is soo adorable and I am very sad that one of the people he was elected and served with shot him. That is some backstabbing bullshit if I ever heard of any. He really was a nice, commendable, and just bubbly guy. LOL. Sounds like I met him or something...but I really feel like the testimonials and the comments really helped for his spirit to shine through. And let me also say that I want to go to San Francisco and visit the Castro! It looks like one fun place. :)

Spent the morning sleeping in before class. Man has my bed never felt so good. I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole Jay thing. *sigh* I kinda just feel like its too much to think about therefore I just won't. At least not today....okay, so I have been thinking about it on and off today...I just don't want to come to any in depth thought about it purposefully. I'm sick of all this emotional turmoil. I just feel like I need a break. I'm tired of feeling like a barbie doll in the washing machine...or tsunami for that matter. I've cried and boo hooed for quite some time now...and I just want to live a semi-normal, pleasant life that I had before I had the nice idea to think that I might want to be in some sort of romantic relationship with another person. Let me just say that relationships are very nice and fuzzy when they are being docile...but the minute something even goes minutely awry your tossed into this emotional rollercoaster. And I promise that I had lived a smooth and relatively peaceful life until I came here to Kent. I mean, there is always drama, but nothing so close to my heart. And it usually was resolved within a couple days and at the most a week. Sometimes I feel like these emotional scars and interests will be with me for eternity. And the moment I try to make some sort of decision about the treatment of them, I get all this conflicting advice. And I just don't know what to do anymore...therefore I don't want to do anything. I just want someone to come up to me and take my hand while they tell me that all I need to do is sit back and relax. They will take care of me. *sigh* I know you are now laughing histerically...but hey, a girl can dream right? lol...okay...I did chuckle a bit too. But it sounds so nice...

My hair is looking halfway decent today. I'm very proud of it. I have no clue what I did differently today than any other day...but I'm happy about it. And not like anyone worth anything is really going to see it. LMAO. Personal satisfaction is what I get out of a good hair day. Maybe my hair is done trying to figure shit out too...and will now be the docile mass I would wish it to be. ..............
And maybe a hoard of dancing turkeys will march into my room playing salsa music.......

Sharpie Markers & King Kong

Oh dear. What a day...


So, today I was basically homeless. My new room key hadn't come in...and the temp key didn't work...therefore I was stuck roaming around campus for an hour and a half until they delivered the keys that were on order. It was very cold...and I was too late for class to do more than grab a hoodie and some gloves on the way out of the door. Luckily, I brought my flashcard and was able to get some yummy hot chocolate to attempt at keeping myself above freezing.

I missed work today. How the heck did I forget. I don't know if it is a good sign or a bad sign that they haven't called me. They probably forgot that I was supposed to be there too. And, if I would have gone, I am sure I would have been on chip duty again. Let me just say...I'm still pissy about that. Fat girl organizing chips = joke waiting to happen.

Then Becky calls me crying about George. He might need surgery. Awww...pooor baby George. He is the cutest lil boxer puppy ever...and I hope he doesn't need surgery. And Becky needed someone to go and sit with him tomorrow...I offered...but Denise is going to do it. Much better that way...cause I really didn't want to miss class.

Then, to top things off...John Mayer wasn't nominated for any Grammy's...U2 won everything...and I actually sat and watched Bruce Springsteen. Can't say I'm a fan. And then Jay decided to give me this emotional ultimatim. I can't help the fact that I'm not ready to be in love with him. And I guess it just shows whats up with us. The fact that he is done waiting shows me that the time limit he thought I was worth was over. Thats alright. I can't say that I'm not upset. I can't say that I don't love him...but I'm just NOT ready to be IN love with him. I adore him. But I'm not ready to be IN love with him. I'm just not. Its scary. And I just dont think I'm ready to be scared like that again. Or whatever. So, I'm just going to hope that what is meant to be will be...and that if it does happen...it will be at the right time for both of us...and it will be one of the most precious things ever. And I truly believe that it could be. And he wrote the cutest poem today. It totally made me almost fall on the floor. I feel like I have started to fall in love with him. I can't wait to hear his voice...I love his laugh...he makes me feel sooo nifty all the time. *sigh* And that just isn't good enough. But dammit...he deserves more than I have right now. And its not just a "RJ" thing...its a Tiffany thing. I just don't know that I'm going to do. And I guess that leaves me with the option of nothing for the time being. As Jay always tries to tell me "Don't force Fate". Well, I'm not....just yet at least.

And my 'effin tooth is hurting...and making my ear hurt...and making my whole shoulder and arm hurt on my left side. WHY!!?? I took some tylenol and it feels better...but I know that ish is going to hurt like hell in the morning.

Ooo! My poems got critiqued today in class...and people really didn't like the one I wrote about Becky and Georgia. I felt waaaay better about it when Jay said he liked it. And I think that he is an excellent poet...so needless to say his opinion mattered waaay more than anyone in my creative writing class. Plus, if you could see some of the poetry they write...and obviously think is good...you wouldn't give much weight to their opinion. For Jay to say that he likes it is a big deal to me. I really respect his opinion and I trust that he gives me honest answers. I hope to someday be half as good as he is. *sigh* He is so talented...it just blows me away sometimes. The newest slam that he wrote is SO good. I really like the message and it flows sooo nicely. WWJD! **lmao @ jay...you know whats up!!**

So, it is now 3 a.m....and I probably should be getting a bit of sleep in. I don't have class until 2:15 tomorrow...but I have been late a bunch for that class...showing me that I need to get up before 1:30. LOL. Oh...and Markita and I are friends again. And that makes me happy...now all I need to do is stop procrastinating and try to patch things up with Jen and Denise. I just sometimes feel like our friendship is soo superfical (or however you spell that ish). We never talk about anything real or deep. I definately need more to keep me interested in being your friend than chatting about your kitties and trading wack opinions about being a Lesbian. Even tho I love kitties and lesbians deeply....I just need a bit more, thank you.


The Bottom Line- Love is retarded.

Song- The Light- Common

Mood- Dissapointed