February Already...

Okay, so tonight was a really interesting night. And I dunno. For some strange reason I think that I can't even put it down in words because it really just wouldn't do it justice. And no matter what I wrote, it still wouldn't be right. Lets just say that I realized that I can't take constructive criticisim very well. But, its really not that new to me. I know that I'm overly sensitive...and I try to not be. But, I just don't know how to not do it. And the funny thing is...the only people that know I'm really sensitive are those people who are closest to me. And why are they the ones that usually hurt my feelings the most? *sigh* I just sometimes wish I could not be the person I am...because I feel like I have too many flaws to fix. To quote one of my favorite bands "I've pulled so many threads from a blanket I can't sow.." And unfortunately...I'm that blanket...and all my threads are gone.

I have conflicting views on everything right now. And I dunno. I like to think that I got to where I am in my life by doing what I thought was right. No one ever told me to do my homework, to pay attention in school, or to go to college. I was the one that decided that those things were worth while. I haven't gotten here alone...but I wasn't forced either. And I really do believe that people do what they want to do...regardless. So, nothing anyone could say to me would have persuaded me to do all of these things if I didn't agree. Especially something like schooling...and becoming a good person...which take a lot of effort. It would have been so easy for me to run around, get pregnant, and just fall into the trapped lifestyles of so many girls I knew. (But, to get back on topic) So, I guess...I'm really hung up about doing what someone else says is good...or doing what I think I should. Lots of people tell me I'm an idealist...I'm a dreamer. I am. I will definately admit that. But, sometimes I just feel like saying, "I guess its obvious your not. And I still love you anyway". I feel like people are trying to change me. I would really like someone to tell me "Your an idealist. You have big dreams. I like that about you." Because, I dunno...I wouldn't ever want to make someone feel like they aren't valid because they don't think and act the way that I do. I adore people who act differently from me. I don't always understand or agree with what they do or whatever...but I appreciate it...and it makes me think outside of my "idealist" box. And I do appreciate advice. I just get so confused. Because how do I know who has my best intentions at heart? And how can I go with things that don't align with my idealist ways? I feel very passionately about the fact that nothing is impossible, everything isn't rational or logical, and that miracles and dreams come true for everyone. Yes, I know that I'm not perfect...I do have a lot to learn...and I can be a pompus bitch at times. But, aren't these the problems of the human race? And I know that isn't an good excuse...but its a truthful assesment. Yes, this is a "silly" and "immature" view of the world in a bunch of ways. But sometimes I feel like there has to be balance in the world. And if there weren't idealists like me then the rational cynics would run rampant...and we would think that the world is a cruel, dark, and unfair place. And to a point, it really is. But, sometimes I step ouside of that...and I am really shocked at how beautiful life is, how beautiful everyone is, and how beautiful the world is. I know that sounds corny...but it hits me at the weirdest times...and I get tears in my eyes. And I just wish that I give you the feeling I get at those moments...because then you might understand why I hope and dream.

I Heart Politics

How fabulous! Someday I shall become a politician.

You are a Social Liberal (73% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (15% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Sunny Day!

So, today was a super nice day! It was warm...and sunshiny...and everything. :) I was overjoyed when I woke up, and walked to both of my classes in a very good mood.

So, last night was kinda crappy. Jay and I got into it...kinda. He talked mostly...and I apologized. And that was as it should have been. And I hope we are better now. :( If not I would be sad. And I have been being a mean girl...and I have no clue why. Hopefully this will go away soon. I don't like being a mean girl.

So, last night after he and I were done talking...I got all emotional. And called the one person I probably shouldn't call. (yeah...that girl..) And luckily, I called the wrong number...and she didn't have that phone upstairs with her. So, she calls me early as ever this morning...and is like "Whats up?". So, I told her the whole sordid tale...and she consoled me. After she and I hung up (about a 30 min. conversation)...I couldn't get back to sleep...so I was irresponsible and bought three new ringtones for my phone. I will definately be kicking myself in the head when I get the bill next month. But, hopefully by then I will be working...somewhere. Anyway...I did eventually fall asleep...but I had to wake up soon thereafter. CLASS TIME.

I hate my first class...I failed that shit once tho...so I NEED to do well. Nuff said. Between that one and my creative writing class...I came back to the room, took a nap, got up...walked to the library to make copies of my poems for class...and then I still had about 20 minutes...so I settled into a nice empty chair in the student center to read. And who calls me? Yup...that girl. So, her and I talked...and decided that when I got back after class...I was going to give her a call and she was going to bring over the puppies!!

Needless to say...she came over. And we had a fabulous time. :) I love the dogs...and we walked around everywhere. And she looked so beautiful. *sigh* I'm very worried about her...because she is getting pretty thin. :( I liked her better with a lil cheek! We galavanted around campus until night fell...and then it started to drizzle...and she packed up the boys and left. We hugged. And that was that. I don't know what I think about this whole situation. I want to be her friend...because I don't want her to not be in my life...but on the whole other side...I want her to be more than a friend so bad sometimes...its not funny. GRRR! So, I'll get over it. :)

I went to Rosies...I ate with Markita :) MMmmm. I bought myself some Valentine's candy. I had a couple of pieces...and it is really really good. I bought Fruit Loops too! So that maybe I can have a snack later if I get a bit snacky.

Other than that...I have no plans for tonight. Studying for LGBT studies...umm...staying up late because I don't have class in the morning. Jay said that he would call me later (yay!!) and umm...I'm supposed to call that girl. Oh...and I can't forget that I'm going to definately be playing the Sims!!

And I guess thats about it for now. My tummy hurts because I drank too much pop! Ooo. I forgot. I told Joe I was going to go to his program tonight in Leebrick. So, I'll be doing that too. I think it will be fun. He is a nice boy.

Okay...I THINK thats it now. :)