Past and Future

Happy Thanksgiving.



I have a bunch to say..but I'm really tired. Let's see how much I can get through.


Lets start with the daily play-by-play...because everyone knows that my life is just that interesting.


Okay...so, to talk about today...I have to talk about last night. And let me just say that I completely and utterly had the best night ever. "QT" has once again revolutionized my life. LOL. Man, she is too cute. *sigh* We hung out, watched t.v., and cuddled...*hahaha* Slept. Laughed. All the funnest stuff in the world, rolled together, and injected into one night. I wish that it would have never ended.


OKAY


Now that that is finished...back to today. So, I woke up kinda early...and turned on the TV. (GASP) I know. Weird. So, I watched some show about babies. Awww...why am I liking babies all of a sudden? Noo! Babies are bad. At least for the next five years. So, anyway, I dozed off and on until about eleven then I got up and got my stuff together.
Next, my mommy picked me up..and we sung john mayer alllll the way home. Not to mention my GIRLFRIEND called me during the ride. AWWWW.

Erm. Next was EATING. The food was good. Delicious. Chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, corn stuff, and bread. :) I had a bit of each, talked to my dad, played online, and took a lil nap on the couch until "QT" called. We talked for quite a while...

So, here's what happened in the conversation. PLANS. Hmm...I'm not sure what I think about that. I mean, we talked about the future. mMmMmMm. I can sooo imagine a future with her. A lil scary actually. I mean, exciting and anticipitory, and just....euphoric. Yep. I'm sooo twisted. I can't help it. She just makes me feel like no one else has ever even come close to. And my mommy thinks she's CUTE. Yay. Again, help me to not be to excited. I'm a person who has high hopes. And mostly they come crashing down...but the funny part about these is that I really don't feel like they are going to. CONUNDRUM. I know. My life....and I'm LOVIN it. (hahah...McDonalds, I know)

So, anyway...to get to the whole theme of the night for me. Past and Future. Like...okay... So, before I started writing this blog, I went back a took a lil read through almost all previous postings by me. It was great to remember everything...and I realized that I'm a pretty awesome person sometimes. Like, some of the ideas that I wrote, or stuff that I said just spoke to me somehow. And it was kinda like, in a weird way, I was reading someone else's life. I'd like to think that I just keep getting better....like Gavin says. *wink* And in reading these postings, I have also seen how much I miss my friends at Findlay, and my cousin Hailey. And I've also seen a couple of spots (okay... a bunch of spots) where I was lying to myself. Like, so many of the times I wrote about certain boys were sooo false. Fronts for feelings about a person I was too scared to write about. Too scared to talk about. Well, I'm glad that lie in my life is over. I'm starting this new thing with a whole new perspective. And don't get it twisted, I'm not a bad person. But, haven't you ever felt like you needed to lie to yourself sometimes? Just to get through the day? Yeah...that was me on occasions. But, I wouldn't be human if I didn't have those. Other times, I was really brutally honest...and I love that about myself. Words on a page do me a justice that not much else can compare to. I like that.

So, the future. Well, thinking about those past postings...and what they contained was hope for the future. And its funny, because looking back, I can see how my future changed many times. At one point, I thought that I was going to Wright State with Mollie. When she backed out, I had to change it. Now I was going alone. Then, after all that, I didn't even make it there. I wound up at Kent State...not knowing really how I got there...but determined to be myself...which ultimately changed my future again. Now, I am living in this mysterious future of mine...contemplating my next adventures. Somehow, I believe that these are going to be just as heartwrenching at times but maybe even better than those that have passed. Specifically tonight on the phone. Could I have ever imagined the scene? NEVER. I could have never predicted the feelings I feel...or the person I feel them for? Not in a million years. In my heart I have always known that I will be happy with my life....but this content? Hmm....I'm excited. Planning for the future is almost thereputic. (Can I spell? LOL. Please forgive me...I hate spelling) In some ways you know that what you say is possibly a lie...but it makes you feel so wonderful. Dreaming is great. The waiting for the fruition is the hard part. Thats okay though. I'm going to live from moment to moment....because I'm too impatient not too. (Does that make any sense?)


Man, don't you just love when I get on one of my philisophical rants? I know you do. Puhleeeze. Just love me. It will make your life SO much easier in the long run my friends. And I will be surprised if anyone makes it through any of that....with some kind of actual comprehension of my thought process.


So, Thanksgiving was great. I thanked God(dess) for everything I have...and everything I will have...and everything I did have. Surprisingly, after my dooms day prediciton of today, I am very happy...and I have MUCH MUCH MUCH to be thankful for.




The Bottom Line- Philosophical rants are great therapy.

Song- Gravity, John Mayer Trio

Mood- Hoplessly hopeful once again

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOLLIE OH!!!!

Thanksgiving BREAK!

First day of Thanksgiving break, and here I sit, alone in my dorm room listening to New Kids On The Block. LOL. I slept in alll day which was more lovely than going to class. I cleaned my whole room....well, my side. :-D I vaccuumed...wiped, dusted...and straightened. It looks nice, and smells nice. Mollie, I swear you rubbed off on me. Weird, huh? LOL.

So, I'm not getting picked up until tomorrow morning...THANKSGIVING. Mmm... This year thanksgiving is going to suck. Not just a little bit, but HARDCORE. I'm very pissed that now that my uncle has this new wife...(who I love...don't get me wrong...she is cool. We're birthday twins) He can't seem to make it to Thanksgiving with us? I mean...couldn't they work it out for both. Of course Hailey and Karen and Johnny aren't coming. Karen is sick of driving here. Well, WHAT THE FUCK? Sometimes I just want to call and say, listen...its ALL YOUR FAULT that you have to drive a million miles to see us. Your the one who thought that it was a good idea to move to BFE with some abusive ass husband who has been fucking up my baby cousin's life for too long now. So, why don't you just suck up your fucking mistake and come see us sometimes? I remember back in the day, she used to come for almost every holiday. These days....we're lucky if we see her twice a year. That just kills me. I promise that even if I lived out of the country, I would see my family more than twice a year. Grrrr.... So, now...I don't get to see my baby....and it is going to be me, grandma, grandpa, and mommy. I mean...don't get me wrong...I'm glad that they will be there....but we are going out to dinner. Normally, I would be all about it. I LOVE going out to dinner with them...but THANKSGIVING? I dunno...I just always thought that Grandmas and Mom's were supposed to make the food...and you sit around your dining table...and talk and just bask in your family. This year...I'm sure that there will be a decent amount of basking. I'm just dissapointed. I hate all these changes. It makes me sad. I miss my "old" family. This new one is all crazy.

So, yep. "QT" is supposed to come over later! I dunno why, but I'm very nervous. I'm not sure if she is staying over or whatever...but this will be the first time we're alone in my room without my roommate. OMG. I know...I'm like...wow. Anyway...its not that I don't want to be alone with her...I'm just like...I don't know the rules and stuff of this thing we have. Its all GREEK to me...and I don't like not knowing what I'm supposed to do and say.


In other news, I'm currently VERY hungry. Like...supremely....supremely hungry. This is news, because of the recent loss of my appetite. Its back! Wooo. I'm glad that I wasn't going to get all skinny and then have to buy a whole new wardrobe or anything. That would be suuuuch a hassle.


Okay...I guess I'm done for now. Happy Thanksgiving READERS. (I'm not sure I have any...I GET NO COMMENTS :) )





The Bottom Line- My family is PLAYIN me for Thanksgiving.

Song- Follow Through, Gavin DeGraw

Mood- NERVOUS.